Yay! I'm Lucky :)

OMG! My boyfriend is the most talented guy on the planet! And I'm not just saying it, really, he is the best person. Amazing and incredible!

The Cutest Boy on Youtube Contest: Two Brothers

Okay. At least one of them is seriously hot! And I would ask no questions before sleeping with them :P
And oh, don't you ignore the related videos in the sidebar, they have a lot of spice :)

The Cutest Boy on Youtube Contest: Two Brothers

Okay. At least one of them is seriously hot! And I would ask no questions before sleeping with them :P
And oh, don't you ignore the related videos in the sidebar, they have a lot of spice :)

A Gay Guy Loves His Camera Above All

Give a young gay guy his camera and a Sunday afternoon and he will strip down and take pictures of himself! Well, some do not strip down but that is very very rare!
Don't quite get what I'm saying? Check these out: Click Here! (don't click that link if you are not 18 years of age or if seeing young, skinny, sexy men in the nude offends you ... lol)
So, what I was saying is, most of these guys are not porn stars they are just obsessed gays like you and me who love their body (and a few love their faces too!) Let's face it, we are self obsessed kids, each one of us :)
Even the ugly guys like me must've taken their pics from different angles and posted them in some community or the other. As far as I am concerned, I'm not posting any nude pics of mine on any Reddit page any time soon, but let's just say I found a good place to look out for quality porn :P

A Gay Guy's Friends Are Always Evil

Don't kill me for saying this. I mean, I know there are a lot of good people in this world and a lot of those good people are gay as well but when it comes to the friends of a gay guy, they always turn out to be evil!
So, my advice to anyone looking out for love is - DO NOT LISTEN TO WHAT YOUR FRIENDS SAY, LISTEN ONLY TO YOUR HEART AND THE HEAD. You may even want to listen to those pair of balls hanging down there, but never to your friends when it comes to matters of love. Take a decision and then tell them like a good friend. Well, I do not say this for no reason and without a base.
If your friends are not gay, it is very difficult for them to understand what you are going through. They are guys but not quite like you after all. How can they ever feel what you feel for your boyfriend? They may be 'fine with you being gay' but they will never understand how you fear about your future without a man in your life!
And if your friends are gay they are even more dangerous. Now don't ask me why! You already know it don't you bitch :P

So We Made Up?

He called. He said he was sorry. He said he can't live without me. He said he was stupid to leave me. He said he wants me back in his life. I say, "Wait, take your time and decided once you are really sure about this!"
I have cried for hours together and I don't want to go through this again and again.
And the reason he gave me is rude to say the least! He said he was getting bored with me. Well, let's face it, I am a boring guy. Who else would write more than 10 blog posts while recovering from a breakup (especially when he knows that no one is going to read all these anyways!)? He was bored of spending time at my home, watching movies, cuddling and doing the exact same thing each fucking week after each fucking week for these 4 months! I say, "Is this not what you wanted in the first place?"
I remember telling him long back the difference between 'getting bored with me' and 'getting bored of me'! If it is the former we can find a way but if he ever gets bored of me, it would be the day when we'll have to find a different way to live our lives and that life will not be with each other! I don't quite remember is he got bored 'with' me or 'of' me, I would not dare ask him again!
So, as of now, we are trying to get back together. I sincerely hope this works out and we forget about this episode like it never happened or may be remember is forever so that we don't make the same mistake again!

The Thing About Love Is

The thing about love is that you never start off by doubting it. Anyone who ever falls in love believes that it is true love and it will last forever. (If you didn't then trust me it was not true love at all)
So, what do you do when you find your 'true love'? You share everything with him. He knows inside out of you, your friends, your family, your strengths, weaknesses, everything. And then one day, all of a sudden, 'he drops the bomb'! And here you are, broken and there is a man out in the world who knows all about you and does not love you anymore. That feeling is the most disturbing of all.
And on the other hand, you know all about him! So, you start to know about things that he does. You would know if he is the kind of a person who would write long paragraphs about the breakup, or the kind who would pretend to the world (and to you) that he's cool, nothing ever happened.
It is tough my friends, breaking up is tough! Now I know why it is called a 'breakup', 'cuz it really breaks you up into a million little pieces!

Breakup: Day3 (06:39 PM)

A thought just dawned upon me. The reason why he left me and the remedy!
I had started becoming like him in all these months. Or may be not like him but still a changed man. His love was changing me, I don't know for the better or worse but it was. When I look behind, I am not the person I was 4 months back. I am, now, not the man he had loved. I am not the person he had fallen for. Everything has changed.
Or may be this thought is just stupid! I don't know. A lot has changed around me but have I changed too? I don't know, I really don't know!

Breakup: Day3 (04:04 PM)

Welcome back my darling!
Did the rain wet you? For once, the heavens are crying with me! What is it? Is it a sign of sympathy from the Gods or an acknowledgement of the broken and damp fate that our relationship has? I think none! FB is full of messages blessing the rain, hailing the cold weather and cherishing the sweet memories that it brings along with it. For me (and for you?) the rain is a reflection of my heart, the blood of separation. Rain is neither good nor bad it is us and our souls that make it either.
I decided not to tell my friends about this. Why should they know? Why should anyone know? They would ask questions about my changed state, they would ask questions about my silence but let there be no answers! And who am I to answer when I do not know myself? The fate of our relationship is undecided yet. I will wait and those who care shall have their answer at my deathbed. Till then, let me be mum. Let me find abode in silence. And let the love, loss and pain grow inside me!

Breakup: Day3 (12:33 PM)

Still don't have the urge to go out. There is not much in the home to eat and I have not taken a bath since Thursday morning now. The stink is unbearable and so is the thought of washing it all away. There is something inside me that tells me not to go to the shower. This is weird!
A friend is coming home this evening. He is a very good friend. He will be the first one to know about it now. I will be strong while I tell him. I would rather not tell him much, just tell him that we're not together anymore. I remember the last time he came here, I was expecting my boyfriend to come home that night and wanted to brag about us. Tables turned so quick! I've asked him to get me some food.

Breakup: Day3 (08:44 AM)

Normalcy has not yet returned completely but I sure am headed towards it. It will take time I know. I've started eating food and taking water. Watched movies which seemed to help a lot. Wrote a lot of things, strolled the Internet.
A dear one who read all this asked if it was an attempt to invoke pity from him. My answer, NO!
If he comes back due to pity and not love, he will leave again and then I may be in an even worse condition. This is not pity, it is a means of letting out things. And like I said before, being an observer to my own suffering calms me down a lot.
Last night I dreamt that a friend was having sex with a snake, a huge python. I don't know what that dream means, I really hate those creatures.
One of the movies that I watched was 'Letters From Juliet' and when I googled about it I found that there is actually a group of people who do that - reply to the heartbroken people's letters advising them on life and love. I think that is a very noble thing to do. Read about it here. If you have seen the movie or ever see it, there is a letter which is read in the end, the letter that Sophie writes to Clair. It talks about two words "what if". Two harmless words which when put together become potent enough to ruin a life!

Breakup: Day2 (5:26 PM)

If you ever read this thing, it will help you to make a decision.

Right now, everything in my home reminds me of you. The small things we did together, the cooking, the movies, everything. Each and every small thing that has any connection with you is making it really hard for me. I've decided to put everything that reminds me of you in a box and put it away somewhere safe. I wish I could find a box big enough to contain me and my life!
As you realize that we are not together now, you will begin to feel the way I am feeling right now. You will miss me, my voice and my touch. It is natural to miss someone you spent a lot of time with. This feeling of missing me is not really love, you will discover. I became your habit that is hard to kick for you! It is like that fag which is so difficult to let go.
When you miss me, don't take a hasty decision and reach out to me saying that you love me, because I will believe you when you say that and it won't be true. Let your life turn normal again, let your friends and family take priority again, let your heart seek out love again and then if you think of me and have any love for us, give me a call.
It is very important for you to understand that getting back together only because you can't live without me for now is stupid. Come back to me when you think you want to live with me and no one else. Come back when you love me so much that it would not matter to you if I said NO!
Come back to me when you are sure that you want me back in all the ugliness.
The next few days, weeks or even months are going to be hard. But, life is much longer than months and if you didn't really love me, you will survive this period and be able to find someone else. Even if you don't find anyone else, you will still be happy with your decision.
I read somewhere a long time back that if you are not brave just pretend that you are and no one will know the difference. I have lived by that principle. When I have wanted to cry I have held back my tears, when I have been threated I have retaliated back, when I have lost love I have told everyone that I'm better than that. Try to be brave for sometime and you will be OK.
I wish I could say that you will find better guys but I know you will not find another me whatever that means. And I will never be able to find another you again. Our lives without each other can be happy or sad or fulfilling or empty or happening or dark or famous but it would never be what it could have been with each other in our arms. That is not necessarily a bad thing, there is only one way to find out how our lives will be together - by living it. But, we have just one life and we can have just one single chance with it.
Think of it in this way. What would happen 50 years later?
If we are together and you regret every moment spent with me for those 50 years, it would be impossible for me to give you back your life. But, if we are not together and you realize after 50 years that all you ever wanted was me, I would come back to you to give you love for all the rest of our years together. We have just one life after all and there can be just a single end to it.

Breakup: Day2 (12:47 PM)

Relationship Status: On Hold!

After spending 4 months together, after exchanging hopes and dreams and vows and passionate moments he told me that he was not sure if he loved me! Should I be shattered?
Have you ever wanted to own something really badly? Some instrument or a gadget like a Camera or a Bike? You dream about it all the time before you have it and once you hold your camera in your hand, it all ends. The craving, the passion, everything just ends. The excitement to get it is unmatched. I was that thing for him!
He doesn't want to be with me anymore. He says he's not sure. He is not sure if he even loves me or not! I've asked him to get back to me when he is sure, I will wait till then.
"What if I say NO? Will you still wait for me?"
If he says NO, his life and mine will take different routes. I know I love him and I know my love does not depend on his answer, so it will live even after he leaves me forever. But, that is none of his concern. If he says NO, he should move on, find another man and stay in happiness and pleasure. My condition should not be his worry if he says NO.
He has to wait till he is certain that he does not love me. He has to wait till he finds love elsewhere. He has to wait till he is ready to burn the bridge that hangs on a thread being eaten by moths of doubts. He has to wait till I prove myself to be a loser not worthy of his love.
I, on the other hand, will have to wait much longer than that. I hope he makes me wait till my last breath and turns up on my deathbed to tell me that he always loved me. Because I know I will wait even after the final goodbye ...

Breakup: Day2 (01:16 AM)

He sent me an SMS! He said sorry! He said he wants me in his life and his life is like an empty shell without me! He says he missed me!
Somehow, I'm still not able to smile. I don't feel happy about it yet. I feel like someone has given me a prosthetic leg after amputating my limb. I want to know the reason why he gave up in the first place. Right now I need to know the truth. That's the most valuable thing. Why did he leave me last night?
"If it's because of something that I said, I'll keep my mouth shut all my life ... If it's 'cuz you feel I will never be rich enough to give you all comforts, I'll get back after I have a huge bank balance ... If it's 'cuz I'm old for you, I'll wait till you are old as well" I told him. I need the truth before we even think of getting back together.
I have cried all day, all night till my tears are dry and there is no water in my body to produce them. I don't want to cry like this again. More than that, I don't want him to ever cry like this in his life.
It is 01:30 AM and I'm waiting for his message. My neck pains and I know tomorrow morning I will have a severe back pain. Why does he not reply now. Is he afraid to give me the truth. Does he think I will break down? I think I've crossed that limit of breaking down now. I will be able to take anything and it will not sink me any further.
I think the truth will never come ... What should I do now? Should I get back and pretend that nothing happened? Should I continue with my dreams again? Hope, magic, love? Or should I go to sleep and switch off my phone and wake up a dead man?

Breakup: Day1

"It's for the best. I hope you'll understand. Good bye."
His last message to me. I want to understand. I really want to know and understand what went wrong. What happened to the whole fairytale and our dreams.
It is 11:00 PM now and the tears have all dried. I'm not crying anymore. I think I should be able to gather the courage to step outside tomorrow. With the pain and sadness and misery the energy is draining fast and I can feel my fingers and limbs shiver. I feel cold from the weakness and the smoke from the firecrackers in the streets is filling my lungs making my breath unsteady and eyes are gloomy and blurred.
Breaking up is difficult. But, writing about it seems to be helping me a little. As I look inside me and report the tiniest feelings and write about my physical condition my mind eases a little. The urge to die is still persistent. The stillness of the heart is still palpable in the fluttery thoughts of mine that remind me of the time I spent with him and the time I missed him. But, being an observer of my own misery is helping me.
My sense of smell seems to have gone. I know I'm dirty and must be smelling, my kitchen has leftovers which have decomposed and have gathered small flies and ants. My effort to keep everything silent has stopped me from flushing my toilet which looks deep dark blue because of the cleaner mixed with my dehydrated piss. My pillow is damp with my tears. Yet, I don't find any stink. Even when I try, I'm unable to smell anything foul.
As the darkness outside grows and the sound of the crackers slowly dies, I have begun to think of a lot of things. Finding the reasons why he left me is the most difficult of all. The most appropriate reason that comes to my mind is that I'm poor! I don't have the riches that he expects. All I have right now is a promise that I will make a mark on the world and find a happy life for both of us. I can't buy him the things that he wants.
If I think practically, it is rather hard to love a loser! How can I expect him to love me given the fact that I seem to be losing respect with each passing day? Perhaps what Robert Green says is correct - the more they get to know about you, the lesser your worth becomes! But, how can I create an illusion of myself in front of him when I have vowed to give my life for him?
I should make an effort to become a complete loser from now on. It would give him a lot of positive thought about the decision that he took. 10 years from now, when he looks back at this he should be able to convince himself that he did the right thing by leaving me with my miseries. He should be happy to see that I have become a wreck and thank his stars that he is not with me at that time. This is the least that I can do for my love!

Summer Romance ...

He gave me the perfect Diwali present last night.

"The more time I spent with you, the more I realize that I don't love you anymore!"


My Diwali is filled with darkness and silence.


"We can still be friends and I will talk you out of this, slowly!"

Talk me out of loving him!

I made a lot of discoveries in the last 24 hours. I found out that I was capable of crying - crying continuously for hours. I found out that after some time each tear that drops from the eyes causes the swollen nerves to trigger such intense pain that it feels like someone has poked a thousand needles in and around your eyes. And I found out that this pain is nothing compared to the pain that comes from the stillness of your heart and mind.
I read each and every SMS that he has sent to me. Trying to figure out a single hint that this miss-fortunate day was coming. All of them are sweet messages, all of them filled with a promise of love that will never die, all of them designed to make me love him more each and every second.
"Honey I missed you!"
"I love you sweetiepie! You tc too. Will be back next week. Wait for me. ;))"
"I love you twice"
"I love you!!! For the last fucking syllable of recorded time!!!;))"
"Honey I'm home!"
"I'm having choir practice now. U have fun ok! Will talk to you tonight ;) I love you muah3x"
"I miss you too pumpkin!!!"
"Shall I walk you home tonight?"
"Tomorrow 6:45 ;)) I love you hun .. Good night sweetheart :)"
"U're not drinking right?"

Each message makes me die all over again and I still have to preserve it as the most precious thing of my life! I wish I could hate you the way I loved you but we both know it is impossible. I still have a dying hope that he will call me, or knock at my door to say that it was all a joke. I hope he will kiss me again and make me believe in myself once again. I hope he will bring a few candles and light up my dark home and promise me never to leave me again.
Love is stranger than I thought. When I sit down and think about it, it is 24 hours since I had any food or a drop of water but my eyes just wont dry! I don't want to cry. I want all my blood to dry up to stop these tears.
I don't know what was the reason. Was it the fact that I am getting old, fat, bald? Or was it 'cuz I'm a boring guy to be with? He wanted me to come out to my parents and I said no.
We had together dreamt of a life full of happiness and joy. A house by the beach with large windows and a Pomeranian dog. Holidays around the world. Promise of love and care.
"I want a guy who can take care of me" he had said. And every single inch of me wanted to be that guy for him. Each day, each single moment my thoughts were occupied by him. My social life, my friends, my family, my life was all just him. And last night when he left me, I knew I would be reduced to a lifeless lump. I thought that we were different, I thought that he was different and I knew he was but in the end all that is left is me - a 27 year old lifeless, shitless faggot trying to lie to the whole world, smiling, talking, singing. Trying to lie to myself about how miserable my life is, how pathetic my life would be and how lonely I would die!
Tonight the whole world is celebrating Diwali. There is light, sounds and laughter all over. I will never have that moment in my life, I know. Most homosexuals I have met do not have a very strong faith in God, now I know why. I want to be different today. This proud gay who blogs from his closet wants to be straight and find love. I want my life to have the happiness that I see around me. And that happiness was him. Why did he have to leave? Did he even cry once?
I asked his friend to be with him today, he may need his support. But, the fact is that I wanted to know if he felt sad without me? I wanted to know if he was suffering the way I am right now. I wanted someone to tell me that he needed me just like the way I needed him.
What will happen if he comes back to me now? I told him quite clearly last night that we were done. I wanted love and not pity! I would live like a dead man without him but I would never live on his pity. Is that my ego? How can a lifeless man like me have any ego? I don't have an ego. If I was strong enough to have an ego I would have gone to his apartment last night and jumped from the top of that building. The fact is that I am weak and a coward. A shitless faggot!
My summer romance has ended. 4 months long relationship is over. Just 4 months. Not a long time I know, but, the dreams of the next 40 years has also ended with this. The dreams of love are over. My summer romance is gone.
It is a festive night tonight. Why did he choose this day? May be because he knew it would be hard for me to step out of my home for quite sometime now. I have 3 days to 'get better', I have this weekend to cure myself of this pain or to get accustomed to it! How will I face the world on Monday? I don't have any answers!

Brokeback Mountain Is Euuuuwwww ... But, It Still Made Me Cry!

OK folks, I know I'm kinda late with this. I saw Brokeback Mountain just recently (i.e. it got over 5 minutes back). And since my boyfriend is sleeping and I can talk to him about it I thought I'd put it in here.
Now, my guy didn't really like BBM. That doesn't mean that I would've taken his recommendation and stopped myself from watching the movie 'cuz he didn't like Matrix, Troy, Inception, and a host of other classics either!
But, frankly folks, BBM may be a classic but I found it rather boring. It is full of emotions and all but it is a little off. A bit stretched I believe. It could've been so much more exciting if things happened a little faster! And I never believe in the idea of gay men getting married to girls just to be able to 'live' in the society. They ruin the lives of their family (like ElMore did) - poor girls who had to go through all that trouble in their early lives! I know, this is a movie about a rather ancient times when gay marriages were simply not possible but if they really loved each other they should've stayed single at least.
But, then, they were not really sure when their 'job' at Brokeback ended. All they had was a secret, not love just passion. And the way Jack used to 'visit' Mexico proved that he was driven more by the passion for the groins of another man than love for his 'fishing buddy'. ElMore (Heath Ledger) may have truly loved Jack but we can't be sure of even that 'cuz had his wife not found out he would've been living that fake life himself.
Overall, I believe BBM is certainly watchable (it has some really good acting, locations and a sorta gripping storyline) but it is definitely not a classic. Nothing like other gay themed movies that I have seen be it Milk, Shelter or may be even Boy Culture!

Gay Themed Magazine - Queerty.

Check out what I found: A gay themed magazine, Queerty - Free of an agenda, except for that gay one.
The content, well, not quite very intellectual. It is aimed at those of us with a marginal IQ or may be to serve the 'marginal IQ moments' of most of us :) Certainly worth a visit or two. Tell them Ryan sent ya !
They may not have a lot of intellectual posts to keep you thinking but a few posts can surely crack you up or give you an lol moment in a boring afternoon (that's what I go there for).

This Is Why Coming Out Is Important!

This is a post in response to this post.

Being 'open' is the final step towards realizing the freedom for a LGBTI people! Freedom from what you will ask, the answer:
Let's take a Utopian situation where everyone respects everyone else, there is peace and harmony. People indulge in only one trade, the improvement of their lives and that of the earth. In such a world all men would be driven to work for a life without any prejudices and only the contribution of a person towards the society would be appreciated and taken into account. Clearly, we do not live in such a world. Our work is not just professionally judged but our personal lives are also taken into consideration, similarly our personal lives are affected by the profession that we choose. In short, it is all clubbed together and it is impossible to separate the personal and professional lives of an individual.
Now, this very world is also full of people with insecurities, people who are afraid of losing their power over others, losing their family, losing their love, losing their respect in society and with such insecurities comes a false disdain for everyone who is not like them. The inherent nature of people to form societies (it started by the necessary community building needed to hunt and survive in the harsh world and is now hard coded in our genes) also makes societal norms which are not logical but traditional at times. The attitude of society towards LGBTI is explainable though certainly not recommended.
So, what happens when say a guy marries another guy and comes out in public? It is mostly a defiant attempt of forcing an acceptance on the society by the couple. Why is it necessary for them to do this? There may be many reasons, one of them could be to cross that threshold which would make other things (like pressures at office, pressures at home, etc.) easier to handle. Besides, a lot of LGBTI are in fact a wrong sex trapped inside the wrong sex body. Guys who dress up like women, women who are tomboyish, they do not do this 'cuz they want to pretend that they are 'special' they ARE LIKE THAT! There was a time when having an alternate sexuality was considered an act of sexual addiction and impulse, but now we know for sure that for instance, being gay is not another attempt to get laid more often.
Why do the people of the 'community' join hands and praises when someone 'comes out'? I think it would be out of relief and a wish. A relief to know that things were looking better and a wish that the society accepts them fast.
It is important for the LGBTI community to come out in public, if not for the people around them then for themselves. A simple act of holding hands, which brings two souls together, is looked down upon. A person in the closet would never be able to overcome the fear and give the best to her partner. Coming out is an act of shunning the fear of the society and not a mere exhibition for the world. It is a freedom of the heart and nothing more than that!

This Is Why I Prefer Guys Over Girls!

There are 2 reasons why I don't like girls (don't get me wrong, what I mean is - why I can't see myself in a relationship with a girl).
First, I don't really get attracted to them sexually. Here I must tell you one thing, I've never actually been physical with a girl so I don't quite know if I would like it or not but unlike in the case of guys I've never really felt that I should 'discover' a girl's body.
Secondly (and much more important), I just can't take the way most girls behave in a relationship. My boyfriends are my companions, my friends, my activity partners, people I go out with and have fun, do things that I like doing (which mostly are all 'guys things'). Girls are softer and need attention. Constant fu*king attention. And a hell lot of care. They would worry (to the point of extinction) about how they're looking, does a particular piece of clothing make them look fat, is the hair alright and the million other things. Guys are like me (yay!) They step out of their homes at a short notice, they look good even without looking in the mirror for ages, they have a better understanding of almost everything in the world (I'm talking majorities here), they know how to keep quiet, they can ride bikes, drive cars, walk, run, and sleep all through a lazy afternoon. I like guys because they happen to have better tools (no pun here okay!) to live the life with - a robust body and a sound brain.
Now, here's the problem with the gay world - I don't know why most gay guys just want to prove to the world (and specially to me it seems) that they are not like 'regular' guys. Hey, wake up!!! I'm gay, I like guys!!! If I wanted a guy who was almost a girl would I rather not date a girl and have babies too!!! I'm paying a big price by being with a guy right, my personal life, my social life, everything is at stake and this is what you give me; a date who is more of a girl with missing boobs and 'operable' on the reverse side! Nay ... I'd rather stay at home and watch some football on my couch!

My Most Special Reader

A guy sent me a long (read very very very long) email about a month back. It was simply the best thing I have ever received in my inbox. Just like 'You've Got Mail' both of us got hooked to exchanging these splendid mails which are full of our experiences, tastes, choices, habits and our idea about life in general.
I must admit, he is rather funny. My replies are mostly either complaints, suggestions, bland narration of what happened in the day (oh yeah! we write almost everyday to each other) or some other monotonous stuff like that. He on the other hand is amazing in his replies (though he needs to work on his sentence formation - he's not from an English speaking country), full of humor and wit, laden with comparisons and anecdotes, full of life.
This month he's busy with a lot of things and we're happy mailing to each other but I really can't wait for him to get free (which would be next month) and we hitting our first date. Do you think we should just go for a coffee date or should there be a little more spice to the whole thing :P
We're already added each other on FB (our real profiles) and have seen what each other is like but meeting a person for the first time is always an experience!

Two Sides Of The Gay Man

The parties are fun. Not just because you get to dance, drink and scan a target rich environment but also because you are with guys who have, at some point in time, pinged you on some Gay social network!
These are the guys who have discussed kinky sex with you, they have discussed about them being exceptionally good in bed, having an XXL dick, having a 'cute ass' and a smooth body (lol). And there in the party they are all dressed up like items in a showcase of a shop selling 'Pick-Any-For-100' stuff. There in the party these 'I'm-not-much-into-sex' guys are trying their best to impress any random guy who would take them home with him for the night. And in the next party the bitches will gather around again and talk about how 'short' he was, or how fast he came, or how boring the sex was or how and what of so many other stories of the gay world.
But, all said and done, I like the gay parties of Bangalore. They are full of surprises and always give you a reason to come week after week with the least expectations and highest hopes of finding someone great.

5 things you should never do while chatting on a gay site

We all have our own fantasies and expectations from a typical gay forum. It could be a friendly chat with like minded people, a hope for a long term relationship or may be just a casual fuck. Here are the 5 things which you should absolutely NOT DO in a gay portal.
1. Never start a conversation without reading the guy's profile. His pic and headline may suggest something while he may be a totally different guy. Why waste your time and energy into pinging a guy who doesn't fit your bill! Make sure you read his profile well and know what to expect. Of course, there are many who would just copy and paste some 'interesting' stuff in their profile but you will know it when you read it and if you are like me, you would not bother messaging him anyways if he can't even put together few lines about himself.
2. Don't have naked pics of you in your profile. You may really be horny and craving for sex but never put your naked pics for general display. If you need to have revealing pics then keep them private and send them on request only. Having sleazy pics sets a wrong impression about you to start with and you stand to lose a chance with a guy who may be decent and horny at the same time!
3. Don't show pics of you when you were a kid. Having a pic of the recent you makes sense for 2 reasons - first, you're being true and setting the first base for a mutual trust (even for a casual hookup, a certain amount of trust is needed) and secondly, you are taking a step towards avoiding an embarrassing situation. Being turned down when you meet the guy in person is the worst thing that can happen to you. Try to have a pic which resembles you and try to resemble the pic that you have in your profile!
4. Don't give out personal details too soon. Even if it is a trusted gay network, you and your privacy may be at risk. This piece of advice is not just for closeted gays but even people who are out to the world since giving out personal information could be a major security risk. Make sure you can trust the person you are chatting with before you exchange phone numbers or (worst) address.
5. Never give away information about your family or friends. For the people in the closet the reasons are obvious. For those who are out, it is still not recommended to give out details about your dear ones on the gay portal. You basically expose your friends and family to a lot of risk when you give any information about them to someone who you don't quite know yet. Gays have a general trust within the community but think before you share information which puts others in a situation which could ruin their personal or professional life.

Root Cause Behind Gay Suicides And Crimes

The gay world is governed by insecurities. The insecurity of unacceptability by the loved ones, the insecurity of being shunned by the society and more importantly, the insecurity of growing old without a partner who would stand by in tough times. The fake accents, the quick humour, the urge to look 'beautiful' and stand out of the crowd are all rooted in these insecurities.
The romance in the gay world is very dynamic. Most social networking sites meant for the LGTB community are cluttered with sex seekers and individuals seeking a relationship as a remedy to the miseries of their lives. And frankly, the sex seeking nature or the one night stands are never looked down upon if executed with class and in compatible quarters. The typical gay relationships are ever threatened by common friends lurking for an opportunity to sleep with their friend's partner and it is not uncommon to find a complex mesh of relationship of ex-boyfriends and current lovers.
This may a be reason why 'finding true love' is almost a mirage in the gay society. Most successful gay couples that I have come across (and I have seen quite of lot of them!) are either engaged in a prepetual fight for attention from their partners who happen to 'notice' others in gay parites or are comstantly trying to find out about their partner's affairs from their friends or (for the happy lot) have made peace with the fact that sex with other men (as long as it is without emotions) is acceptable and they call themselves in an 'open relationship'.
The absense of an institution like marriage in the LGTB world is largely responsible for infidelity. The 'relationships' that are thriving in the closet are most vulnerable because there is no social responsibility whatsoever! A minor moment of incompatibility can be a cause of a breakup because the stakes are not huge. The two individuals are not likely to face many inquisitive moments because very few people know about them in the first place.
This apparent polygamy arising out of the gay social structure is responsible for the insecurity in the LGTB community which makes them such a vulnerable lot. Gay suicide cases are not common but given the small size of the gay community the percentage is quite high. A society where gay marriages are accepted without the disgruntled gasp of inevitability, may see lesser cases of gay crimes, suicides and in general would create a happier lot of people!

Easter Gift From a Friend

One of my friends gave me this link as an Easter Gift:
Shirtless Indian Men

Thanks buddy. I'm not quite into the typical Indian looks though. Love the oriental looks :P

Taylor Lautner Is Hot, Wish He Was Gay

Some pics of Taylor Lautner for you guys. I know, I know, he's just too hot guys but sadly, he's not gay!

The Guy Who Was Not Meant To Be

I've heard Colbie Caillat's Bubbly some hundred times today. Why? It is the caller tune of a guy I fell for pretty strong last year. He seemed like the perfect guy: sexy, sensible, hot and the right spirit. When the sun was still shining for us, we used to talk for hours together, he would call me even if he gots just a 10 minutes break and I just could not stop myself.
Then I don't know when things crumbled, we fell apart and it took us both around 6 months to get back together to being friends. He may not be the one, but I know he's special, very special in my life. Everytime I hear this song there is this anticipation of hearing his voice any second. I can listen to this song for a million times and live in those moments of anticipation forever. Happy Easter honey.

Coming Out Stories On Youtube

Here are two of the most touching 'coming out' stories I've found on Youtube. We, in India, may be far away from such courage but I know quite a few guys who have come out to their parents and close friends. I'm out to a few straight friends too but doing it on Youtube, Facebook or Twitter is just too scary right now for me. One of my close friend who's out to almost all close people in his life told me, "My parents deserve to know about me. Right?" I can't agree more but nevertheless it's a very tough thing to do. Love you Mom and Dad.
What's your story? Want to share with me here? Drop a comment or mail me at ryan.closet[at]gmail[dot]com.

My First Gay Party In Bangalore

I'm a closeted gay guy from Bangalore (my regular visitors already know!). When I came to bangalore a couple of years back from a small town, I had this larger than life image of the 'gay parties' that are supposed to happen in the metro cities. Bangalore, arguably, has the best looking guys in India and my expectations were quite high to say the least. It took some time to actually go to a party, reasons: I am more of a 'sit-down-and-read-a-book' kinda guy, I dance real bad (have improved a bit now though), I didn't have any gay friends here who went to parties, I was down right scared of police, family and friends finding out, etc. (I've come quite a long way since, this blog talks a lot about my personal life!).
When I got to attend my first gay party I made sure I had friends with me who were going for the first time too and there was my ex-boyfriend with me like a guide for both of us :P It was a hotel with a known gay reputation in Bangalore. We went on time which is not exactly what happens in most parties here, people come late and then beg the DJ to play 'one-single-last-song'. The host was a charming young guy who made me comfortable right from the start, his face dripping off a sense of responsibility and authority. I still remember the way me and my friend were sitting in a corner couch looking around at the people with shy excitement, a beer bottle in hand and trying to make it last forever. People hardly notice you if you are not exactly a model material, or dance really well or make a bold statement with what you wear or act like a slut. So needless to say that I hardly got noticed in the party. Towards the end I actually did two significant things - I danced and I 'almost' kissed a guy!
Since then things have changed drastically when right now I'm in a stage when there's a party in town and I have invites from some really hot guys and I've decided to stay back home and write this article for people who may not know me ever in their lives (I wish I could link this blog to my FB account or have a picture of me here).

The Closet Perspective

Being in a closet gives one perspectives that are quite out of reach of the usual straight guy or the genuinely open gay people. I do agree that it is depressing quite a lot of times. But, the closet guys get to know a few things that most people will never feel.

Let's say I see a typical hottie on the streen, gym toned body, chic hairstyle perfectly balanced on a chiseled face and smell of the freshest thing on earth (got ya thinking right, peaches are not the only fresh thing in this world honey :P). If I'm not in the closet I would ideally ask him out or give some sorta signs and let's face it, most sexy guys on the planet are straight, so pat comes a rude reply or something even nastier. But, when I'm this closet guy I can admire him as much as I want and yet have hopes of bumping into him in the next gay party!

The closet gives me a perfect way to make the sexiest guys around me comfortable with me even in the swimming pool or the gym! All you have to do is laugh at their dumb homophobic jokes at times and you will sail through without much trouble.