Thursday, May 20, 2010
We all have our own fantasies and expectations from a typical gay forum. It could be a friendly chat with like minded people, a hope for a long term relationship or may be just a casual fuck. Here are the 5 things which you should absolutely NOT DO in a gay portal.
1. Never start a conversation without reading the guy's profile. His pic and headline may suggest something while he may be a totally different guy. Why waste your time and energy into pinging a guy who doesn't fit your bill! Make sure you read his profile well and know what to expect. Of course, there are many who would just copy and paste some 'interesting' stuff in their profile but you will know it when you read it and if you are like me, you would not bother messaging him anyways if he can't even put together few lines about himself.
2. Don't have naked pics of you in your profile. You may really be horny and craving for sex but never put your naked pics for general display. If you need to have revealing pics then keep them private and send them on request only. Having sleazy pics sets a wrong impression about you to start with and you stand to lose a chance with a guy who may be decent and horny at the same time!
3. Don't show pics of you when you were a kid. Having a pic of the recent you makes sense for 2 reasons - first, you're being true and setting the first base for a mutual trust (even for a casual hookup, a certain amount of trust is needed) and secondly, you are taking a step towards avoiding an embarrassing situation. Being turned down when you meet the guy in person is the worst thing that can happen to you. Try to have a pic which resembles you and try to resemble the pic that you have in your profile!
4. Don't give out personal details too soon. Even if it is a trusted gay network, you and your privacy may be at risk. This piece of advice is not just for closeted gays but even people who are out to the world since giving out personal information could be a major security risk. Make sure you can trust the person you are chatting with before you exchange phone numbers or (worst) address.
5. Never give away information about your family or friends. For the people in the closet the reasons are obvious. For those who are out, it is still not recommended to give out details about your dear ones on the gay portal. You basically expose your friends and family to a lot of risk when you give any information about them to someone who you don't quite know yet. Gays have a general trust within the community but think before you share information which puts others in a situation which could ruin their personal or professional life.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
The gay world is governed by insecurities. The insecurity of unacceptability by the loved ones, the insecurity of being shunned by the society and more importantly, the insecurity of growing old without a partner who would stand by in tough times. The fake accents, the quick humour, the urge to look 'beautiful' and stand out of the crowd are all rooted in these insecurities.
The romance in the gay world is very dynamic. Most social networking sites meant for the LGTB community are cluttered with sex seekers and individuals seeking a relationship as a remedy to the miseries of their lives. And frankly, the sex seeking nature or the one night stands are never looked down upon if executed with class and in compatible quarters. The typical gay relationships are ever threatened by common friends lurking for an opportunity to sleep with their friend's partner and it is not uncommon to find a complex mesh of relationship of ex-boyfriends and current lovers.
This may a be reason why 'finding true love' is almost a mirage in the gay society. Most successful gay couples that I have come across (and I have seen quite of lot of them!) are either engaged in a prepetual fight for attention from their partners who happen to 'notice' others in gay parites or are comstantly trying to find out about their partner's affairs from their friends or (for the happy lot) have made peace with the fact that sex with other men (as long as it is without emotions) is acceptable and they call themselves in an 'open relationship'.
The absense of an institution like marriage in the LGTB world is largely responsible for infidelity. The 'relationships' that are thriving in the closet are most vulnerable because there is no social responsibility whatsoever! A minor moment of incompatibility can be a cause of a breakup because the stakes are not huge. The two individuals are not likely to face many inquisitive moments because very few people know about them in the first place.
This apparent polygamy arising out of the gay social structure is responsible for the insecurity in the LGTB community which makes them such a vulnerable lot. Gay suicide cases are not common but given the small size of the gay community the percentage is quite high. A society where gay marriages are accepted without the disgruntled gasp of inevitability, may see lesser cases of gay crimes, suicides and in general would create a happier lot of people!